Carol and Guha (Photos by Kishor Chopda)


Born: October 26, 1940, Cincinnati, Ohio

Parents Divorce:   1944 or 1945

My story will dwell as much as possible on the Parallel Movement in The Journey — which is known to us humans as The Journey of The Spirit.

This event, called divorce (of my parents), at age four, changed Life all around and began an introduction to a world impossible to understand. The Catholic Boarding School, called St. Joseph’s Villa, was operated by the Catholic Sisters of Charity Order of Nuns and became my new home. The “spiritual” programming of the mind began immediately on arrival. It was a rainy, dreary day. I was greeted by Sisters dressed in all black with weird hats. They referred to their attire as “Habits”.

My father left and went away while the nuns took me up a long flight of stairs into (I was to find out very soon) a world of “God Something”. That was all that seemed to be —   what they knew and talked about. I never felt uneasy, just there, from that day one and for all the days after.

Carol (first row, fourth from left) at her first holy communion at age 7

My childhood from the first moment at the “God School” was Catholic-intense. Every morning, I was up and dressed by 6 AM for Mass and recited the rosary every evening. Then there was Holy Communion and Confirmation (a ceremony at age seven where you picked a Saint to be your role model in life). I chose St. Agnes. She was known to be a martyr and died for her faith. I was very impressed. I figured that I might have to do that, and I wanted to be ready. More ideas and rules to remember: On Fridays if you ate meat you would end up in hell but fish was okay. To receive Holy Communion, which was the body and blood of Christ transformed into a blessed wafer which you were not allowed to touch. The Father (priest) put it into your mouth directly and you were not permitted to chew it with your teeth, just swallow it, because it was sacred.

To receive Holy Communion, you must go to confession the day before and confess your sins.  Of course, what does a child know about sins? As time passed, I got wise in this “God’s School”.  I figured out what was sin and made up sins to tell my confessor. For example, my confession might be something like: I stole a pencil, told two lies and got angry once and so on, in hopes of getting forgiveness. Thank the dear God in Heaven, I somehow was always forgiven. God never let me down.

The awakening to the Seven Capital Sins came later.  Pride, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, etc.  As the Sisters were saving our souls day and night, there was no time to forget about the “God Something” of whom – they and only they – knew so much about. I seemed to understand or hear (would be more like “hear”) the correct behavior needed to connect to the God in My Heaven. It all went in one ear and out the other.  Besides, all this seemed impossible to achieve.  Do not disobey and always be good were the rules.  But I still found that He (God) was nice to have around and in my “soul”. No mysticism but just that in my mind, He was a real nice guy. The Holy Nuns made Him so real —   but of course, He still was invisible. Kids are so like sponges, especially me —   I could believe anything I was told and still do.

Before I move on, there was one more important requirement from the Invisible “God Something”.  My Catholic God wanted each of us, after we married, to have as many children as God would give us. At this time during these holy instructions I wasn’t even aware of how this came about (procreation) or if it was possible to have all that was given to a soul by God. He might require a lot. As a resident of a boarding school, there were already too many children in my life and that was a problem. It seemed to be asking a lot.


Children are so resilient and somehow, this made me independent and strong and in step with this “God Something”. No matter what was said I was receptive. Soon this atmosphere was about to change; a total re-alignment was about to take place.  This word RE-ALIGNMENT applies to the next installment of My Story.   NOTE: That is a word I learned from Guha a few years back. It is the best way to explain what happens next.

A final thought on what was impressed upon our young minds during the early days. The real hell, what we as humans encounter here on earth —   was called the “original sin”, which in Catholic terms meant our separation from God. For an unknown reason, that thought penetrated deep into my system and never left.   SEPARATION WAS THE HELL.

Outwardly, I was not a “spiritual” person.  My Life was very normal and actually interesting and fun for me but a sense of (what you would call) “holy” did set in. A “separation mentality” stressed by the Sisters – set in and triggered this “holy sense”. On a lighter side —   One long hot summer day, the nuns came up with a bright idea. A prize was offered to any child who did not disobey and was very good for one week. I was ready for this challenge and knew I would win. I was the best ever but sadly the prize was won by another child, not Carol. Then I realized that it made no difference at all whatever I did in God’s House – as long as I showed up on time for the schedule that day.  Again, thank my Invisible God in Heaven that I was not a trouble maker in the eyes of the nuns. Some of the children were not so blessed. Sister Eleanor did “not spare the rod” on them.

A few years passed by and out of the blue and quite suddenly a realization crossed my mind. I was probably ten years old at the time. “My mother will not be with me ever again!” She was very loving in our four plus years of Life together.  Overwhelming emotions surfaced, resulting in days of sadness and crying. Somehow this disturbance was kept to myself. Without the parent support influence, one learned to deal with everything alone and continue on quietly. Awakening one morning and starting the day, suddenly and as clear as can be, a voice said, “You thought you were crying for your mother, but you were crying for God!”

Immediately, the emotional pain disappeared and the deep feelings changed into a comfortable “OH”. Very ordinary, like, so that’s fine. So, my “God Something”, talked about by the Sisters of Charity — was real. It cleared up the mess in my head and after that time, there was no pain or serious attachment to her ever again.  Finding that God was real and with me all the time (in my head) the connection was cemented in the system.  He was no longer Invisible but a Presence, close by.  Very close by.

An adventuresome type of personality developed in me alongside cautious behavior.  A dominant trait of openness all around also came about combined with serious curiosity. The only signs of “spirituality” that I could identify (percolating) would be – my interests in the stories about the lives of Catholic mystic saints.  Also the atmosphere in any church made me feel as if it were a second home.

Years later, from 1968 to 2004, while actively walking the PATH of the awakening process, discussions would come to the forefront about “search and seeking”.  I would think to myself, there were never any thoughts about a “search or seeking”!  It was everyday just getting up from rest and responding to Life and people around and taking charge of those under your care. If I was in a search, it was above and beyond my thought processes.  Life was just happening and I was just following “Something”. I never would have called it a search. But they did!

Well, this “search” was about to take real shape and pull me into a New and different arrangement of everything. It was a whirlpool of intense magnitude.

Fourteen years passed in an uneventful, everyday Life. During this time, I married Charlie and so far “God gave me five children,” all of whom I really enjoyed.  The Catholic training left off as soon as I was seriously, overly busy as an adult. I realized it was no longer expected of me to be involved with the rules mainly because there was no one around pushing the issue.

The Parallel Movement

The year 1968 was when the inner influence took hold and exploded in a major way. A turning point had evidently been reached.  Under a Cloud, this is all happening.  This “SOMETHING” has its own timing. Mine had definitely arrived. It was back to the conscious business of what Guhaji calls the Parallel Movement. That is such an appropriate name.

With husband Charlie (who died in 1987) and our children, we were enjoying his company’s summer picnic that year (1968).The children were off playing, when a lady came over to me and started a conversation about ESP. I sort of knew a little about it from a TV program called The Twilight Zone. I asked her what she knew.  Then it came up that there was an ESP class at the local Deer Park High School that week. She was never seen again after that time, but the curiosity was enough for me to go to (hardly ever wanted to) that scheduled evening. The Parallel Movement was now alive and ready for Carol.

There was not much happening (other than family) in my Life. So this ESP class sounded like it might be interesting. This was another big step under the “inner influence” of the Parallel Movement that started that evening. I took an empty seat near a lady named Lorna Brown. After class we started a conversation and her endearing personality was wonderful. She asked if I would like to come to her house for tea.  Of course, I said.  It felt so right and fun.  After tea and polite chatter — feeling very comfortable and completely at ease, the conversation took a serious tone. It went like this:

Lorna:  “Would you like to be initiated?”

Carol:  “What is that?”  (NOTE: All that came to my mind was what I learned at school and it involved tricks played on those who wanted to join clubs.)

Lorna:  “We have a Master in India.  If you fill out these papers, we send them to Him for approval for initiation.

I must say her personality was overwhelming and I couldn’t say no.

Carol:  “Alright!”

Lorna: “You are supposed to be vegetarian for three months, but it will be fine.  We will send them anyway.”

Papers were sent.  Three weeks later she called and said I was approved.  This is exactly the way it happened. Simple and quick. It felt very right to me. No doubts at all. The Group Leader, Vandilla, in Cincinnati – read out to me instructions for Surat Shabd Yoga. I learned about meditation and the group was called The Divine Science of the Soul. I now had an interest outside the family.  The national representative, Mr. T.S. Khanna who lived in Washington D.C. was always in touch with us when needed.

The year 1970 rolled around and all of the children were now vegetarians.  My husband, Charlie, never once interfered with the change that had taken over our home. He silently stood by. During that time, he developed a huge interest in soccer and became a sought after coach for the children’s program. He was very busy, so maybe that kept his attention and his mind distracted.

Early 1972, a problem arose between the two groups in Ohio which put me on the spot. Mr. Khanna appointed me as the new Group Leader.  Vandilla had switched over to one Paul Twitchell’s teachings; who was the founder of the Eckankar Society. She was mixing up the teachings of Master Kirpal Singh with his. He had been initiated by Master Kirpal in 1964 during the Master’s World Tour. Something interesting came about after this shake-up. Paul Twitchell was on a speaking tour in Cincinnati, and was meeting with the new group at a hotel in the city when he had a heart attack and died right afterwards in that same room that night. I always felt that was quite a coincidence.

Master Kirpal Singh

Carol sitting right in front of Master Kirpal Singh who is giving a talk to his devotees (extreme left), during satsang

Master Kirpal Singh arrived in Cincinnati in November 1972 (on the Catholic calendar, it was All Saints Day).  He stayed for three days. Seven months later, I was sitting at His Feet in Sawan Ashram in Delhi, India.  The next day (June 9) we left for Kashmir.  Destination – Srinagar.  The group included twelve Western disciples and a few Indians.  My friend Joannie and I were in PARADISE for nine days. It was (for both of us), our first trip ever. We had never traveled outside our hometown, Cincinnati.  (I met Joannie at our group meetings earlier.)   We had the best time ever.  Almost every second was a happy disaster; we were overwhelmed in every way possible.

For two days we traveled round and round up in the Himalayan Mountains.  We always got stuck in the back part of an old van which leaked gas fumes constantly.  We figured it out later why no one else would trade seats with us. Needless to say, we were always two dizzy girls who were laughing a lot. Now and then when we stopped for a break, people would say they had fixed the problem – but it always continued to leak fumes. So we just kept laughing – and sleeping.  I lost 25 pounds in nine days.  Eating was the last thing on my mind. We were in cosmic heaven.  When I got back home, I slept for a week.

A few exchanges with Master Kirpal Singh: On the trip to Kashmir, our group stopped overnight in Jammu. It was a breezy night, and the wind seemed to be extra intense in an ominous way.  I remarked to my friend Joannie, “This feels like the story of Jesus and the Last Supper before His Crucifixion”.  We were 12 Disciples with Our Guru and memories of Jesus and His Last Supper crossed my mind.  This picture of Jesus and His apostles was all over the place when I was a child. Luckily, outwardly this was not the case.  Master came out and sat in His chair. People came out with large leaves which had food on them and served us. We are all sitting on the ground. Looking around for a spoon or a utensil to eat with, I found none.  Master sensed my problem.  Quietly He pointed to His hand and extended His Fingers for me to look at them and said in a simple way, “Nature’s Best Spoon!”  Problem solved.

Back to 1972:  We followed Master to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida while He was on His World Tour. We attended every Talk and Satsang. While speaking at one of the talks, His Voice seemed to stop talking and clearly (most of the time, He had a thick accent and it was difficult to know what was said)    like in a vacuum I heard Him say, “You are a Beloved Child of God and that is all the truth there is.” He went on to add, “I am not concerned with the outside, do the best you can.”

I looked around and there was no difference in the mood of the crowd. To this day, I feel that they did not hear those words. No one ever mentioned about the change in the tone of the room, which was unusual. We always discussed things we understood after the talks were over and when we were back in our rooms.  We all were totally in attention with every word and move He made.

Here is another example of this type of situation. This time it was in 1973, Sawan Ashram.  A small Satsang group gathered each evening with Master. He was discussing… “Putting chains on the feet of time…” The vacuum situation happened again.  He looked my way and the words merged into “I will put chains on your feet.  I will put you in an iron cage with chains; I will never let you go.”  By this time, I didn’t feel the need to ask anyone about this.  It would be brought up in our conversations, we always had, later on in our rooms   —   and it was not even mentioned.

1974:  Master passed away.  His biological son, Master Darshan succeeded Him. My last meeting with Master Kirpal in 1973 is worth mentioning and went like this.  Arriving in His room, He was sitting on His bed sorting papers. I watched Him for a while.  When He stopped, He leaned over and gently poked my shoulder and said, “You and I are One. Go on with your meditations.” Then He added, “You have a long way to go.”

Carol, wearing a borrowed turban, with her friend Joannie

I was very sad to hear those words.  After so much exposure to Him, starting in my hometown of Cincinnati, then to Delhi, India and the time in Kashmir and still  I heard –“a long way to go”.  I thought everything was already Perfection. Could not believe it; I was torn.  Somehow He also knew I did not have a cent of money to take back with me to the US — just my ticket.  He reached for five one dollar bills. I was very surprised to see this. I was not worried about money. He did exactly what a real earthly Father would do, and my heart stayed with Him forever.

Thoughts keep flooding in, so here’s one more.  Joannie, my traveling buddy, was feeling brave one day and approached Him at a rare quiet moment alone and meekly asked Him,  “Master are You God?”  Master replied, “I am God, You are God, We are all God!” We all liked this question and I was thrilled she had the courage to ask it.  Another time, we were celebrating, (I think it was her birthday) at Sawan Ashram and He walked up to her and asked her, “How do you know you were born?”  She was flabbergasted; it had a force to it that really made her stop and think. When she mentioned this to me, I had the same reaction. What a great question in this rarified atmosphere. It had a real punch to it. When I think about this, it could be something U.G. would say.

 Master Darshan Singh

My sojourn with Darshan Singh lasted till 1989 with whom many, many more happenings were experienced. I became more grounded on the Path. This time, the Life produced a maturity in me – along with many happy disasters.   Free spirited and lots of fun, crazy, people showed up and “joined the caravan of Love”. We had some wild, insane car sides on the Tours with Master Darshan, when we traveled all over America with Him.

Sometimes the testing of the egos was too much.  (Worse than a house filled with seven children.)  I definitely learned to “shut up” and stay steady.   Trouble followed me everywhere and beyond. No personality of my fellow travelers or self imposed mental stress – during these times – was too difficult to handle. All lessons and challenges only produced more lessons and challenges. Master Darshan once mentioned, “I am a Mischief Maker.” I would have to say, He was really great at that.  Thanks to my childhood “God in Heaven” who helped make me a tough soldier in times gone by.  There was lots more fun along the way with Master Darshan than with His Very Holy Father. But with Master Darshan there was lots of meditation and crying too during the next fifteen years. Master Darshan once said to me, “I can make you cry for a year.”  And I did.

All along this Path, there were very few doubts or questions about anyone or anything. This was how Life was for me.  I was always thrilled to meet and face where the Path was going and who might show up and walk a while with me.  Mention has to be made of the CRAZY CAR RIDES that always came about and were the best ever. When following Master Darshan, who was a fast traveler, we went through many red lights, turned around in heavy traffic to catch up, and literally violated every traffic rule that existed.  One time a seat was getting too hot in this old car we were in, which is definitely a bad sign, and it got very hot and no one cared because we had to keep up with the Master. By the time we got to the destination, we were sitting on the edge of “the hot seat” about to scream. When we finally stopped, three people climbed over each other to escape. There literally was a fire ready to happen. The driver was a wonderful hippie type, and said that – this was a constant problem in his car.  Really liked hippies in those days. Worry free and so helpful. Only God knows what a mother of seven was doing hanging out with the hippies.

Returning to 1989.  Master Darshan had passed away and the activity in my mind quieted down.  A second marriage that came about in 1988 became difficult. To cope, I became humbled and very submissive. He had a very bad temper and so much jealousy.  This lasted till 1998, when divorce was necessary. But two years before his death from cancer, a new person emerged and he became very close to me and very respectful. People were very surprised with his change, but somehow, I wasn’t.

Before Master Darshan died, I called Him in 1988 about my mess and all He said was, “You did not consult me about this marriage!” I guess I should have checked first to see if this marriage was a good idea.  Truly speaking, I was not one to ever discuss worldly issues with my Teachers of the Spirit.

Master Rajinder Singh

There was one more trip in 2004 with Master Darshan’s son, grandson to Master Kirpal, Master Rajinder Singh. This trip took me to the Equator and then on to Machu Picchu in Peru.  This turned out to be my final experience with the Masters of Surat Shabd Yoga. It was an amazing trip. Life was going to take me to another Alignment at the crossroads in the Parallel Movement. Slowly and carefully the weaning process was doing its job in the Time and Space.  Amazing send off Peru was, then eventually landing into the sphere of a Dr. Sabyasachi Guha. The Time had done its job.

The move to South Carolina in 1987 was a completely normal peaceful and fantastic change to the throbbing atmosphere of Cincinnati, Ohio.   Our two youngest children came along – Celeste and Christopher.   The other five children were adults by now and their lives were in order. Families were established in their lives and all was going good for them.

To go back for a minute — Master Kirpal Singh in 1973 at Sawan Ashram said, “You have a long way to go,” and due to this unconscious connection to the Movement of Life, my spirit never fell into the trap of stale and dull.  There was no interest in the mind that wanted to live in the past.  The flicker of the flame in Life was still quietly burning and steady going forward in the realm of action. There was never a doubt — as long as “I” am alive and breathing “My Something” connection to My God-side that was ingrained since early childhood, was ready and able to show itself. It was who we were and are. While in this very peaceful interim I was okay and happy.  No worries.

Guha Rekindling the Flame 

Who would have guessed that a retired Professor from North Drive living in East Brunswick, New Jersey, was about to show up and rekindle the Flame in a very new way with unorthodox views on all matters “spiritual”?  His message completely overhauled my thinking and at the same time strengthened and solidified my Core.   Bit by bit, He broke the “Carol Pot” with one hand and on the other hand held the “Carol Pot” together. You could picture Him as the clean-up crew for a very dusty, over-worked mind.

This New Person, with His viewpoints was not a shock to my System.  He made it very clear that there was no “original sin”. One needed no “redemption” (kinda knew that). We as individuals were not special but unique, etc.   In fact anything you did, good or bad to achieve spirituality, stood in the way.  Now the word “God” was switched to the word “Mother Nature”. (That is the one word habit that doesn’t give up in my mind). Doesn’t matter much to me, I am in touch and “it is what it is”.   I haven’t heard Him refer to either word — hardly ever.

Anyone reading this knows all this by now and is fully informed of His main message — the dangers of too much unnecessary thinking. Earlier, in my story I discussed how Guhaji came into my Life by way of YouTube. U.G. was the first step, and then found Golda.  Her website had Guhaji’s picture that made clear the fact that He was my next connection on The Path, once again, to walk forward with, hand in hand.   The Parallel Movement took hold quickly.  This is a manner familiar to me. Quickly.   That has always been my Very Good Luck.  You might call it the one”ARROW” that shoots straight.  That last statement seems appropriate to me. This is maybe one of the few things in my Life that hasn’t been a guessing game.   Just Very Good Luck.

A Simple, Overwhelming Connection

Guha appeared in my Life, one day, maybe six years after the death of my second husband. My outer “spirituality energy” had settled into the background during those years, and a normal peace was felt in the Life all around.

One afternoon, sitting at the computer, I decided to go to YouTube and see if there were any new gurus I didn’t know about. It was a mere curiosity, nothing more. There was no dissatisfaction or restlessness of the “soul” pushing me.  U.G. Krishnamurti’s videos came up and I remember thinking, “I have not seen Him before.”  I listened to some of them and the strength and the no-nonsense message appealed to my mind.

I was raised in a very austere, strict, Catholic disciplined atmosphere and U.G.’s message cut right into and through the mind of my conditioning. More links came up on Google that sent me to Golda’s site and on the first page a picture of Guha popped up. I looked at Him, immediately thinking He looked a bit unusual and not what I was used to or expected to see.  Then I had an unemotional recognition that clearly pointed out the thought – (maybe like a road sign a person would come upon).  “THAT’S HIM!”   (Successor}

Here, I have to pause and point out something from my past conditioning with former Teachers of the Spirit. I was taught that after the Living Teacher died physically, there is always a Successor and you will never be left alone.  My previous Successor had passed away a few years before and during the time after, my mind was not interested in outer Teachers or Guides.  Life was very ordinary and I had no clue or cared much for the outer experience of the “seeking”.  The traveling also seemed out of my system – India, South America, United States, Europe etc. all gone. I was just going to spend my days and go back HOME!

Immediately after the “THAT’S HIM” thought it was as if my feet were again positioned and solidly planted back on THE PATH. There were no doubts – just let’s go and check it out. This was a very practical and unemotional feeling on my part. Meanwhile, I found a link to Julie’s Travels with U.G. Krishnamurti and totally identified with her inner struggles and found that my past Life experiences were very similar to those she had with U.G.….. a simple  connection was established for me.

Julie and Carol

A few weeks later, I was on a plane to New Jersey.  Julie got permission from Guha for me to visit.  My dear daughter Celeste was concerned and thought I might be walking into a creepy organization, get abducted and end up in Morocco as a slave!  I told Guha about this later on and He really laughed, and when he narrated this story to others was still laughing.

Lakshmi and Julie picked me up at the airport and then on to Guha’s house. Upon arriving the atmosphere was a bit strange and a bit tense for me. New people thrown together that way can make it seem so. Guha was very reserved.  I found a spot and sat down. I’m thinking, this is different but okay. From what I can remember, I decided to ease the pressure and said, “I have a question.”  There were three or more questions I had brought with me. So I started to read the first one. But halfway through, I started to feel silly and just stopped in the middle of the question. I just wanted to laugh, because I remembered reading something about questions being useless. At the very same time, the feeling came from Guha to that effect. Maybe like – I don’t need to ask questions.

Soon dinner was ready and with everyone sitting down at the table and looking at the new person (me) -I was asked by Guha to talk about my children, their names, and to include the grandchildren as well. I did okay, except it was a complete turnaround for an out of place visitor. Bear in mind I have seven children and more than thirty grandchildren. I sort of froze. Before I got started with the names, the quiet was deafening. I attract attention in my Life (for some reason) and am not comfortable with it. But Life has taught me to rise up and face it.

It was a very intimate and friendly moment and very unusual for people who are total strangers to be so interested.  My guard came crumbling down; it felt like home……another simple connection was established.

After dinner, Guha was all alone sitting in His living room. The other guests were helping with the cleanup in the kitchen. I was a bit surprised when I walked in and saw Him there.  I abruptly said, “I know who YOU are!” He replied, “Not here!”  Then I asked, “Are YOU my thoughts?”  His simple answer was, “Yes!” It is impossible to speak of the details in the awareness unfolding in a person by the Presence of Guha. It would or could take volumes or maybe, simply a single word.

Carol, with her son Chris and Guha at a friend’s house in New Jersey

Over time when we met in 2013 to 2017, all loose ends to the story in this Life of mine have come together and lovingly been put to rest.  A daring and a powerful explanation might be a quote from Sri Ramakrishna, who would say, “He is the Personal and the Impersonal Manifestation of God Himself.”

Before I continue, I must very honestly explain the conditioning that is “Carol”…. I do not speak for anyone but myself and will not pressure anyone to believe what I say. To my lowly self, He is my end to the RIDDLE of LIFE.

Now back to the ordinary part. In between meetings with Guha, I read and studied all the information that came my way. New ideas (new to me), new terms that I was exposed to by my new Friends I wanted to absorb so that I could assimilate and be in harmony outwardly with this new group. The words God and Love were put aside and were unspoken and replaced with “Mother Nature”.  Still – no problem.  Underneath all the outward happenings around Guha the undercurrent was right in step with a comfortable familiarity in my Spirit.

Guha was and (more important) is sharing and explaining – every moment – useful and important thoughts and words for the upliftment of all humanity. Many of His ideas are new to the people that get to see Him.  One special and new idea is the Absolute importance of the System in the Human Body. There are so many, new thoughts for the present people alive and on the earth — (but now is the time to continue Carol’s narrative.)  Never before in my Life, was the human body given its just due, and to reiterate, Guha alerts you to its real and true value.

There was and is a predicament that I always find myself in. I am frequently wishing that I could actually hear and understand when He is talking with us in a Friend’s house. I would return home and try to remember all that He had shared with us at those times and I couldn’t. I pestered Julie to send me recordings of his talks so that I could listen without the distraction of His Calming Presence. My mind would not cooperate then and allow me to be alert to His message. This happened many times while in His Physical Presence. This is still a nice problem.

Anyway, Julie answered my requests for recordings and many of them were sent my way.  His messages and talks would work their magic and manage to get through and penetrate to the core of my mind at later times when at home.

Palm Springs, California in 2013

Guha and I ventured out for a long hike in the canyons of California near Palm Springs.  I was doing fairly well with keeping up with him. Guha almost sprints when He goes for walks and one has to keep their attention on His fast pace, or you will fall behind.  As I said, I was doing well, and when our hike was almost over  I decided, for a split second, to really look around at God’s beautiful earth,  when I suddenly realized Guha was nowhere in sight. A shock came over me. I had no money, no purse and no phone numbers with me. I didn’t even know the name of the hotel where we were staying and that was miles away anyway. Nothing. Totally lost. So many desperate thoughts rushed in, the worst being, “This challenge is too much!” My Life has always been full of major challenges but at that time none of them felt as big as this one. This all came about because I never once felt insecure around my New Friend.

So remember I don’t even know where I ‘m staying – not even a phone or phone numbers. I did not know anyone and the one person I did know had disappeared into thin air. I have traveled all over the world, and never ever felt this disconnected, but the “panic” shifted to the thought, “You can do this!” Just then I looked around to get ready to move forward, and I really was hoping for major good luck, when Guha, maybe 150 feet away, was standing around some rocks.  Very anxiously, I said, “Oh there YOU are!” He replied “Just call if you need me!” His voice sounded as if very far away. My comfort zone immediately re-aligned and there was an amazing relief in the System.

Another simple but overwhelming connection was established.

Crazy Car Rides

Guhaji did make the best and most “spiritual” CRAZY CAR RIDE ever come about when with Him in India. It was top of the line “car ride insanity “! The details would make your hair rise up on your head.  He gets credit for the equivalent to the Indianapolis 500 competition that happens every year in the USA.  My heart races even now thinking about it.  I fell in Total Love and Total Despair with Him that day. I’m not sure I want to experience that again. But, yes in a New York Minute!  He was in the front seat alongside the driver, as quiet as a mouse.  The Lord’s Prayer sprang to my lips and it went like this, “Our Father Who Art In Heaven”…. then merged into    “Our Father Who Art In This Car…….”

So appropriate if we were on our way to another world in one of My God’s crazy, insane CAR RIDES.

I almost skipped the reason for the Insane Car Ride with Guha in India.  A passenger in the car needed to use a bathroom and we were really stuck in an awful traffic jam. Both sides and all lanes were blocked everywhere and no way out ever – for many miles. Totally stalled. Our amazing driver took every chance possible and impossible to find a way out.  When he saw an opening, he would take off and not stop for anything. It did seem like “forever” moments of the most exciting ride in the whole wide world of unbelievable danger. It turned out fine.  Writing about this is such a gift. Wonderful memories like these are worth digging up and re-living the appreciation for our Gift of the Saviors of Humanity. How very lucky Guha’s wayward disciples are. Can we ever really know how THEY are stepping up to save us from ourselves and the dangers all around?  And then making us feel so fine through it all.

Cloud of Unknowing

Guhaji called me from India a few months back and asked if I had heard about the book,   “The Cloud of Unknowing”.

Carol:  Yes, I read it a few years earlier but I found it difficult to read because of the way it was written 700 years ago – in the vernacular of Medieval English. The very first, original text is impossible to decipher.

Guhaji:” Would you write it in your own words, through your own eyes?”

Carol:  “Yes, I will!”

Guha knew I was a Catholic in my previous time of this Life and the Monk, who is believed to be the author, was definitely from a Contemplative Catholic Order.   I was beyond excited to wander back into my beginning influence and connect with this book (maybe for old times’ sake).   It would be interesting.   After I hung up, I checked my book collection and the surprise was the book has been sitting there for maybe fifteen years or more.  The very next day, I began the project.  It took me exactly 49 days to complete. Each day, a finished chapter was e-mailed to Guhaji.

By the time I got to Chapter  36, my monk was going very deep into the work of the Contemplative. Very serious.With Chapter 36 the wonderful little book morphed into deeper material. It sheds a very deep and helpful light for anyone inclined to the very serious work of the soul. Chapter 36 appealed to Him (Guha) too. He asked if I could simplify it even more, as if I were sending it to a friend.  I did.  That was the only time He gave an input into the Work. His trust seemed to be 100%.  At times, I wondered if I was doing it right but just kept going.  It was important to keep My Monk’s spirit alive while reminding myself it had to be written for a 2017 mindset.

It was a joyful project the entire time. I even had a few chuckles and giggles with His humor. Can you imagine that he lived 700 years ago, and he was able to make me smile? He was so humble and apologized if what he said might hurt someone’s feelings.  Not only once but often. It felt like an apology to me. So delightful.

This process with “The Cloud of Unknowing” worked its magic. It transformed much of my conditioning and many of my concepts and tenderly put them in a peaceful place to rest.

One of the few questions of mine to Guhaji regarding an aspect to this “Riddle Of Life” I want to share now.  I asked it last year at Julie’s Home during a gathering that was getting serious in my mind.

Carol: ” I have a burning question!”

Guhaji: “Yes?”  (slowly)

Carol:  “Why are YOU here?”

Guhaji:  “I have to be somewhere!”

Carol’s last thought about this.   This is the simplest answer to the connection of the spirit hidden within My Story.  My Wonderful and Perfect Son of Mother Nature is here in this room with us.  ‘I HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE’ and guess what — He happens to be here in this room.  Remember – they say there are seven billion or more people on this earth and HE is here with us.

I would like to end my narrative with the following excerpt from Back To Square One:

I (GUHA) was moving like a zombie around Him when He suddenly turned and looked at me as if to say, ‘Ask anything you want.’  I made a gesture as if to tell me what I can do. He immediately pointed His finger towards a poster on the wall.  When I saw the poster I literally froze and asked Him. ‘Are you pointing to that one?’  He answered in no uncertain terms, ‘Yes!’  The poster read, ‘LOVE IS THE ONLY WAY.’ ‘OKAY!’  And He didn’t stop there. He said, ‘SHOW IT TO YOUR SISSY’ (Julie).

Thank YOU Guhaji for asking me to contribute “My Story “. I appreciate YOU very much!

It is time for A Brand New Testament.


11 Responses

  1. Richard Mwangi

    Thanks for sharing your story. A life story of searching that culminates with finding Guhaji. There is no more need to seek when you deeply imbibe the words of Guhaji. And I was also touched and affected by UG’s response to Guha, “Love is the only way”, and he added the rider, “Show it to your Sissy”.

  2. Carol Sweatman

    Hi Richard,
    You are very welcome. I really feel Guha (indirectly) helped me put it all together. Once I got started with the project, it was smooth sailing – and actually fun to do. He once said lately that there are “no more secrets” – so with that encouragement, this project opened up all the old memories and it was amazing to relive the journey once again. I had some really great times with those amazing experiences and meeting wonderful people because of them. All in all a really great time and a fantastic Life. And it isn’t over yet.
    Sincerely, Carol in Carolina
    PS: That is South Carolina

  3. Andres

    Thanks for sharing your story, Carol!

    Is your translation of “The cloud…” available on the internet?

    • Carol Sweatman

      Hi Anders,( Andres ) At this time, no!

  4. Priyanka Singh

    This one (Guha) is a living ‘spoof’ on UG and a real bad one at that. BEWARE people!

    And you Mr.Guha! Stop using UG for your cheap publicity… I ( everyone) know that the content of this site is duly edited by you. Because you know what, UG sure would not mind(obviously), but I tell you, I do. If nothing, at least for the record.

    P.S. “Love is the way.” Sure! Then, people, dump this joker, love yourself instead and discover, if you must.

    UG would say:
    ” There is no power outside man.”

    “Courage to stand Alone”

    And to borrow from UG’s Swan Song which he dictated to Louis Brawley in 2007:

    “You all fool yourselves thinking that you are going to get something by hanging around me… ho ho ho! You’re not going to get a thing because there is no need to get anything from anybody.
    You can’t fit me into any religious frame. I don’t need to fool people and thrive on their gullibility and credulity. Why should I? I’m telling you, YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING. You are not going to get anything from anybody. There is no need for me to say you’re not going to get what you want from anyone else either. That you will find out by yourself. But that you can’t do either by your own effort or by your volition or by anything you do or do not do. That is not something that happens in the field of cause and effect.”


  5. Carol Sweatman

    Hi Priyanka Singh!
    I appreciate your comment and the time you took to explain your viewpoint.

    UG passed away in 2007. Ten years have gone by and Life – being a constant changing movement , it seems to me as if His words are working for you and you have found the courage to stand alone.

    You are very lucky to have found UG. I have no doubt that you are right where you need to be focused and that your burdens have been lifted in your everyday living. You are very blessed indeed.

    Carol in South Carolina

  6. Sanjay jain

    Hi Carol,

    I think Subject Specific Functional Reality is the thing that operates in real time. There is nothing you can do to change the way that person thinks unless the person is open enough to listen and trust.

    Trust here means trusting yourself and life around.

    Everyone tries in his own way. There are phases that one goes through and definitely no one controls anything but yourself. Even that is doubtful.

    You have narrated what you thought you should narrate. There has been reactions as the other person thinks. That is all.

    None knows life and it’s movements. I enjoy being with Guha and I trust myself and life around me. Rather I would say I trust life in me and around.

  7. Sanjay jain

    As far as UG is concerned. Quoting him is of no value unless you yourself in all certainty realize what he was trying to point out. Was UG communicating any idea based on words? Further before criticizing some one publicly one has to be very careful on the basis one is doing so. More so if one is trying to impose his or her own ideas and thoughts.

  8. Sanjay Jain

    BEWARE! OF WHAT! For myself I have found Guha as a friend who has nothing to impose on you. When somebody is not imposing anything then what is it to beware of. My experience is one has to beware of his or her own thoughts and ideas nothing else. Who gave mandate to P.S. to make people aware and impose her own thoughts. I don’t appreciate this reckless comment. Not a single day I got the impression from Guha that it is in the field of Cause and effect or that I have to consider him somewhere and I have to do such and such to achieve I don’t know what. The problem lies in our goals and means we adopt to achieve that goal and not in Guha or for that matter in any individual. Life is expressing itself in various ways that’s all. If you don’t accept said expression don’t try to preach and make people aware.

  9. Zikov Zikav

    Okay I don’t know much philosophy and who said what in which book. But meeting Guhaji is like turning on a tap and what flows out is pure power. I feel “holy cow this shit is going to kill me” It becomes irrelevant what I saw in UG video. Proof is in the pudding and not in the menu card. That became my functional reality. If someone gets a kick out of a dead sage’s words then that is their functional reality. Let them express.

  10. Rina

    There was a time that I used to read about UG avidly and fanatically and tried very hard to meet him in person. When I heard that he had passed away I was filled with regret at not being able to do so.

    Then I met Guha and over time got to interact with him quite regularly. He took all my regrets away and freed me up to just live very simply. He is a live wire that burnt through my layers of resistance and shattered my world of ideas and illusions into smithereens. He blasted every God, Guru, and wise man out of my system with such an incredible force that they can never ever find a place in me.

    As I float around Guha’s orbit it is impossible for me to think of anybody or anything else. Such is his strong and unmistakable presence that he fills every pixel of my mind space.

    I consider it my stroke of incredible good fortune that I met this dear friend called Guha.

    I feel that what I express here is very insignificant compared to the impact he has had on me and what I really wish to say.